bobkitty1123

It seems like just last week I was a freshman in college, but now I'm an 19 year old, almost-sophomore. Despite massive amounts of stress, and the slight chance I might fail my accounting class, I have been doing pretty well. I've been elected as president of the school's GSA, might be getting a job, and have great living conditions for next year. Plus, classes are almost over too. I'm looking forward to a summer of working, relaxing, and reading. Anyway, not much else to say except that I'm still kicking.

I just noticed that my last journal was in July, so I decided to give everyone (who doesn't actually care) an update. I'm going to college now. I've been writing more too. Maybe I'll post some stories here since I've practically disappeared off the site. I've just been busy and haven't been doing photography or photomanipulation. That's all I really have to say.

So I've realized that I hate writing.

I've been writing for my entire life and it's been a dream of mine to publish a book. Yet, while I enjoy the creation of the world, the characters and the plot, I hate the actual physical writing. I spend hours sitting and staring at my computer screen, grinding out sentence after sentence of utter nonsense, trying to place the words down on paper, wondering if I should invest in a typewriter so I can stop procastionating by going on Deviantart and playing Time Management games. I'm always told about those shitty first drafts, but what if you can't even get that first draft finished? Each year I have what I call my Summer Project. Last year I planted and cultivated a garden, and the year before that I learn how to read Tarot cards. This year I endevoured to write a novel. I use that term very lightly, though, because I didn't intend to finish it anytime soon. I just wanted to at least flesh it out and start writing before summer ended. The world is created, the characters are in place, and yet, I'm writing shitty Deviant journals rather than writing...

My OCD won't let me NOT organize my favorites gallery. Yet, I have a dilema. When I want to add anthro drawings/paintings to my gallery, I can't ever decide whether or not to put them in my 'animal' folder. So, what's the consensus guys? Animal? Or should I just keep puting them in my 'drawing' or 'painting' folders??

Maybe I never noticed it before—or maybe this has been hiding under the surface  all along—but I was struck by the close-mindedness that was happening right under my nose the whole time around me.

First, a girl who I thought was unlike the other ignorant and obnoxious kids in my class, turned out to someone I never expected. Let me start at the beginning. We had Opposite Day (boys dressing as girls and girls dressing as boys), and this one boy went all out. He painted his nails, wore high heels, fake boobs, his sister's skirt and shirt. "Disgusting". Why is that disgusting? He was just in a skirt and it was just a joke. It just got me thinking...how would she react if we had a transgender kid in our school? What really got me though, was that when I asked her why she thought it was disgusting, she verbally attacked me. Sometimes you think you know a person.

Then, later one, a friend of mine—who I merely put up with as it is—looked at the pamphlet I made for a domestic pamphlet I've been working on. I got some stories from a survey I passed out about abuse. Two girls and one boy submitted me some viable stories. And my friend told me that he didn't like the one about the boy being abused by his girlfriend—apparently it's "wrong".

And even later than that, today actually, my mom was telling me that bisexuality doesn't exist. For women, it might, but men will never be bisexual. She even went so far as to tell me that if a guy she was with had ever been with a guy, she would break up with him because obviously he's gay—or something like that. We had to agree to disagree in the end, but this was a woman who has always been (kinda) openminded. She was obnoxious about most things, but she never had issues with homosexuals. Once again my views of the people near me were contorted. And it wasn't like I was walking around blind; they just weren't showing their true feelings to me.

I've always had fluid views about gender and sexuality—that social and gender norms were rules to be broken. I felt like they were confining and destructive, but it's hard for me to stick to my values when everyone around me has been raised in a way that pits them against them. Of course, I mean there's nothing wrong with being girly if you're a girl or masculine if you're a guy...I just thinks it need to be challenged, which I do.

What do you guys think? Am I just crazy or weird? Do the people in your life hide their true feelings from you? Seriously, just like when I asked that girl why, I want to hear your whys and hows.